Hey! This was a pretty interesting first chapter! I really liked your writing style even though I must admit that Shampoo's dialogue drove me crazy (since I have not actually watched the series.) It looks like its going to have a contorted plotline. I like that! Looking forward to your next update!
Kudos for a well written story. A very good effort at writting Erotica as opposed to porn. Not that I have anything against porn.^_^
You addressed one of my concerns in the most recent chapters. Shampoo has to have an inclination towards this lifestyle, as does Akane for that matter. If that is not the case then all you're really writing about is rape, which brings us back to the porn thing.
My bias leads me to sort of wish that Ranma is having a lot of trouble dealing with his/her reaction to the situation, in that she finds herself viewing things more from Shampoo's POV than Akane's. I've come to believe that Genma's rearing of Ranma which featured total control of Ranma's every waking, and sometimes sleeping, moments left Ranma with a certain submissive behavior in which he, and she, tends to react rather than initiate. But at the same time Genma beat the idea that Ranma had to at all times present the front of an Alpha male. So presented with the concept of BDSM in which his/her inclination is to be a bottom, his ingrained training would shy away from that strongly.
The focus here is on Akane and Shampoo, and that's fine by me, but Ranma is part of the equation as well and I hope you plan on exploring his attitude and how it may change one way or another. Heck, Ranma might decide that there simply is no way he can be a part of this, and leave Akane and Shampoo to form their own relationship while he turns he attention in another direction.
I must say that I disagree withone of your other Reviewers. Ranma did not have his every waking moment controlled by Genma to such an extent. There were no beating, acts of dominance, and such. Instead, he was continually told that everything he was being put through (in otehr words all the martial arts training, petty theft, and such) was to make him a stronger fighter and better man. Heck, we see in flashbacks in the manga that he bacame fairly disrespectful of his father during the training trip. SOmething that would never have happened if Genma had pounded complete obediance into him. If anything, Ranma should be very much dominant.
However, he has also developed a dislike to causing girls pain. I can see him in a dom role, but not one where he himself inflicts more than a few spankings and whatnot. Akane would have to be the true punisher if real pain is required.
This story intrigues me but I would like to add something.
You seem to be striving for a note of realism (or at least a Hurt/Comfort vibe) and with that in mind, you shouldn't just have Shampoo become a sweet little slave/sex kitten once they break her.
You CAN break the will of people in real life, but that basically turns them into shells of their former selves.
If the 2 main characters succeed in breaking Shampoo she should be a shattered shell of her former self or perhaps even lose the will to live (a dramatic yet relatively subtle way to do that, would be if Shampoo simply stopped eating, although actively trying to kill herself might be necessary to shock Akane out of her current thinking at this point).
Ramna and Akane might be able to help Shampoo recover from such terminal depression, but it would not be easy and it would take some time. It would also make this story more interesting and powerful.
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