I without a doubt constantly find myself smiling at your process. Your writing shows so much promise I truly enjoy your work and efforts. I think you kinda repeated the feeling of the illusories a little much but otherwise a decent start to a promising series. I also GREATLY enjoy UF. Id detail this review more but ATM I'm using my iPhone seeing as I'm without my laptop for a while. Hope to read your next posting very soon
-Matt
Ps. First hit first comment |--|
I'm really interested in this one. Not many stories focus on Zoarak and Unova, not many that I've read at least. I've read your other work, Uncertain Future, and I know your writing style is excellent. So, another good storyline provided by a good writer is something that I'm pretty excited about. Too many of my favorite stories have just died without a good ending, I hope to see all of yours completed.
Aside from a few grammatical mistakes (which aren't bad enough that I couldn't figure out what was being said) This still remains remarkably well-written. I do wish you would update more often, though I am rather fond of the direction this seems to be going. I like the flow of this story, and look forward to the next update. -WWMH-
I still like this story quite a bit, even thought this chapter had a few rough edges. I really liked some of the descriptions you used; especially this line:
" Rel dragged herself to her feet, not taking her eyes off the floor. Those cold features had been emblazoned into her mind; she didn't need to look up to feel the contempt he felt for her. "
That really struck a chord with me. She is traumatized now and she kind of begrudgingly accepts it. I do like the tests that she is being put through to see her character strength and pain tolerance but I feel as if the main villain, "Master" as we know him, is a bit 2d. He needs more depth to him to really get me going on hating or loving him for his evil. Perhaps he feels that way when compared to how fleshed-out and human Rel feels with her inner turmoil, but she is really the only person I care about in one way or the other at the moment.
Hey Twill! I liked this chapter. Poor thing just can't get a break from nobody. She is twitching crazy. Her pokemon, (or "animal" instincts) only reaffirm her master's cruel words. I can't believe he left her hanging like that though, nice twist! I thought this chapter was well-edited, or maybe I was just too caught up to make any suggestions. Thanks for updating, can't wait to see what happens.
Ha-Ha! Here we go! I really like the new trainer! He seems like a cool/tough guy. Treeco is definitely an underrated pokemon, but thank goodness they're both nicer than the master. I wonder if Rel can learn to trust and love again~ Also, I love that she turned into a Zangoose. It's like a subconscious homage.
Question: At the end, the icy grasp on Rel, was that the chip that the master installed in her?
Last thing, //“So you can talk,” the human said finally, breaking the silence."// I read this first as "So you CAN talk," with the emphasis on "can" instead of "So." I recommend putting some kind of pause between 'so' and the rest of the sentence so that people like me can tell that he's just searching for idle conversation with his new monster pokemon that hates him, rather than being astonished at his talking pokemon. lol Anyway, thanks for the updates! Truck on!
This is a very different attitude. What's up with this attitude? It's very "tough" love at best, and downright manipulative at worst. Are there any thoughts you can give me without major spoilers?
Yes! Good update, lots of progression in this one. She gets more angsty every day. It would be nice to see her channel that into her fighting or training somehow, but then again, she is a soft 'city' pokemon.
Could it be...father...son...? No, I must not spoil!
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