Wow really good first chapter! Itís very refreshing to see someone with physical scars and injuries; it makes everything feel more real. The motive of the other trainer is a little weird though. You think a female Eevee would be worth a lot of money at the least. Anyway I think itís a wonderful start and I canít wait for the next chapter.
Okaaaaaay. It's been awhile since I've done any reviewing/critiquing so pardon me if I'm a little rusty. First of all since I can't reply to reviews of my work, this is basically me saying thank you. Second of all, just a warning, I don't sugar coat reviews. I'm honest and forward. Third, I'm going to post the stuff I like last because that way I won't leave a sour taste in your mouth. Please don't take offense to anything I say, because its not meant to offend.
The Ugly: You're writing could stand to be improved. Your style and delivery is jumpy and feels broken. This can be fixed if you spend a bit more time describing what's going on. Something I noticed in several paragraphs was how they were composed of extremely small sentences, several of which could stand to be turned into one sentence. The names and characters are placed a bit chaotically and that made it hard for me to recognize who was who later on. You can fix this by spending more time with each character, maybe even introducing their name, and species one more time when each tells their stories of how they came to be with Nic.
The Bad: Your dialog formatting, though good as an idea, was hard to read. I actually got confused at one point when I thought a human was talking but it was actually one of the Pokemon characters recounting on what happened. I lost track of who was talking when, and that took away from the reading experience for me. My advice is to use a system where you, say, want a Pokemon to talk: put your *'s inside quotation marks like so, "*Hello, I'm a Pokemon.*" This should help keep things straight. The second thing, actually revolving around speech again, is that characters quoting other characters while talking about an event in the past, should quote them in apostrophe marks. Here's why: "If I am talking like this and earlier in time I said, "This to someone else." Then came back to talking regularly." The way that would be seen realistically is that "this to someone else" would be narrative, which is awkward. On the other hand, 'This to someone else.' in single quotes denotes speech being recounted within a characters speech. I hope you understand this, because even for me it was a bit tricky to come to grips with.
The Good: This story has potential, but only if you really work at it. I suggest getting a Beta-reader if you can find one, and I would offer my services if I weren't so wrapped up in my own works. I like where this story could go, and I like the whole idea of a savior to abused and hurt Pokemon. The idea of the attacking guy's eevees being Nic's Eevee's brothers is one I think you should expand on and turn into a sub story. I'm not certain of where the plot is going though, so that may already be where your going, which is good if that's the case.
Unfortunately, because I'm kind of distracted by my own work and admit I'm kind of self centered when it comes to that. I probably wont get around to reviewing your next chapter any time soon. On the up side, I wish you luck and continuing success as I noticed two other people have reviewed already, which is great! Better than I had on my first day. Catch you later, and thanks for reviewing my work.
Wow, it HAS been a while since i last saw an update, i know how hectic things are but im impressed with the chapter you came up with. A screening process for a humanxpokemon license? well played there. the only thing i belive you could improve on is your battles, they seem a little short; granted Isis is still a rookie compared to the others. Perhaps thats something you could work on, or if you would prefer, since i beta on Fanfiction dot net i could help you in choreographing them?
Keep at it though! we waited a while for an update but we havent at all be disappointed!
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