Wow, I really like it! I like the way you made Riki’s son – partly like Riki but also like Katze. The beginning is intriguing. I’m so glad that it’s not another spanking-BDSM fic, but something reasonable. ^^
One little remark: you could work on paragraphing in the first chapter. Start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. Make it look like in the second chapter – this way it’s definitely more clear.
And apart from this… please, continue!
This is a refreshing view. There is no BDSM or overly sexual graphic encounters happening every other paragrath. Most stories get lost with the focus just on sex. I like the balance of Kyle's personality. He has his father's fire but not to the extreme. I'm curious to see how this story evolves and what happens. Will you be writting a bit more about his past?
I enjoy the story a lot! It has a perfect mood.
You handle the characters' psychology very well. I like the little furniture, Janus and a bond he developed with Raven. But your Raoul and Katze are also interesting. Wonder how you will develop the relationships.
However, you do need a beta reader and the language needs some improvements. Unfortunately, I can't help you, I'm not a native speaker myself. Maybe try finding someone on aff.net.
wow what a good story so far i love it is ravon riki son. and i hope that he is okay . good job so for on the story and can not wait for more of the story and see what happen next.
Yes! Yes! The scene with the crop... it shows perfectly what I think of such methods in AnK.
Although I usually don't like second-generation fics, yours really drew my attention. I like how you build Raven's relationships with both – Raoul and Katze. I'm especially glad that Raoul allows his pet to work in the market, talks to him about business and treats him like a human.
Pity you 'sold' Janus, he was such a nice character. But the talk between Katze and Janus was superb.
And btw, check this address: http://czmadzia.livejournal.com/#czmadzia5422 (I hope it'll show up well, I don't think they allow links here).
very good chapter , and guy think that raven is riki or is raven riki son. but you know for it your story. but i love the story and can not wait for more . good luck.
I liked chapter ten very much. It's sweet like Raoul let Raven escape. ;-) Hey, don't worry about the language, just continue. Once you get a beta, everything can be explained, solved and settled.
Your story is still picking up steam and rolling well. I love the character development. Raven is just so complex that it's beautiful. You have fleshed him out, and his evolution is well paced. You provide enough hints of his past without giving everything away. Was happy to see Raoul letting him get away. If you need a beta, I'm happy to volunteer. However, be aware that English is not my native language. I would not worry too much about the English. Hey as long as your readers can understand what your trying to convey is all that counts!
Looking forward to the next part of Raven's story.
wow tht was a good chapter and can not wait for the next chapter and see what raven and raoul going to do . raoul is acting like isaon and he does not know that . poor raven have to not think about kataz . that is his first love. do rave know that riki was his father and that raoul know that raven is riki son. but the story is real good. good luck on the next chapter and will be wait for more.
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